Erin is a singer. Erin is a sewer. Erin is a creator of beautiful things. Erin is a wife. Erin is a Mom.

Meet Erin. She is Beauty Revived.

Erin embodies the Beauty Revived movement, and I am honored to share her story and photos of her and her family for the Beauty Revived 50 Most Beautiful Women edition. This edition features one woman from each state. That Erin would represent my home state of Wisconsin makes it even sweeter. The Beauty Revived site beautifully sums up its mission:

In a world preoccupied by weight and physical perfection, there seems to be a longing for real, pure beauty. There seems to be a need for woman who are not afraid to stand up and show that it matters very little what they look like, but rather matters a great deal who they are. We as a society should be searching these women out and holding them up for an example for the rest of us. The funny thing is, these women don’t like to be in the lime light. They don’t feel deserving of praise and admiration because, well, they don’t do the things they do to gain the praise of the world. They are good because they know goodness and they are brave because they know who they are. This magazine represents an amazing collaboration of photographers and women from all over the country that are willing to take a stand for real beauty.

After two healthy pregnancies, Erin and her husband were thrilled when baby #3 was on the way. But the pregnancy was different from the beginning, low blood test numbers, morning sickness and measuring a week behind at an early ultrasound. Everyone kept assuring them that every pregnancy was different and not to worry.

And then, with feelings of great uneasiness, Erin decided to do a first trimester screening. During the ultrasound, it was obvious something was very wrong. After additional testing, Erin heard the words that every parent, every mother, dreads. “Incompatible with life.” Erin’s baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 18.

Trisomy 18 is a genetic condition where the child carries a third copy of the 18th chromosome instead of just two. There are three common trisomies: T21 – known as Downs Syndrome, T18, and T13. Unlike Downs, T18 and T13 are almost always fatal and are known as “incompatible with life”.

Erin was given information about terminating the pregnancy four times over the next two weeks. Still, a quote from a medical journal entry regarding the management of T18 cases summed up their feelings best: “Infants with lethal congenital anomalies … continue to have immense inherent worth as human beings and these infants are without a doubt as deserving of love, care, and dignity as any child.”  For Erin and her husband, there was no question. She would continue her pregnancy and do everything in her power to meet her baby boy.

“Over the next 6 months we prepared. We named our baby Isaac. We told our kids about a baby with a broken body. We planned a funeral for a person we’ve never met. We discussed his health problems with specialists and made decisions about how far we would go with medical interventions to keep him alive and comfortable. We discussed organ donation and made plans for our palliative delivery. 

Isaac was born on May 24th 2013 at 6:30pm. He came out screaming which was the most beautiful sound. We cried happy tears, bathed him, invited our kids, parents, friends and priest to come up to love him, hold him, bless him, cry over him, kiss him, and hug him. My husband and I held him and sang to him, we told him what a good job he did staying strong for us so we could have a chance to meet him. He was warm and peaceful and comfortable and left us at 10:45pm. We had 4 hours with him and they were the most beautiful sacred hours of my life.”

Issac’s genetic condition prevented donating his organs. Erin researched donating breastmilk. She found support through a lactation consultant and a Facebook group for women who were exclusively pumping.  She then found a website, Human Milk for Human Babies, through which she would donate to a local preemie mom and to the Ohio Milk Bank.

For Erin, the best part of this experience was donating to a friend who had preemie twins and was unable to breastfeed.  Erin offered to ship the milk to her explaining that she needed to share just as much as her friend needed the gift. This is what they wanted Isaac’s legacy to be, helping babies and helping families. After sending the package on its way, she no sooner got in the car and the song they sang to Isaac as he was dying started playing. It was a sign. She knew then that all the time and commitment and heartache that went into pumping was all worth it. In his short life he taught everyone around them so much about beauty and love and he nourished those babies physically just as he nourished and enriched their lives.

Isaac’s memory, his legacy, will live on forever. His name was chosen after a Sunday Homily that touched Erin very deeply. The Sunday reading was the story of Abraham and Isaac. Not a pleasant story by any means, but Fr Jeff explained that it exemplifies God’s love for us.

“…we get a glimpse of a different image of God.  Not the omnipotent all powerful deity that I usually think of, but that of a compassionate and grieving parent.  He would not let Abraham feel the pain of losing a child but when it was time, God took that pain onto himself in offering us Jesus.

This is the God that I can connect with.

This is the God I want to hold my hand through this journey.

This is the God I want to hold my boy until I get there.”

Erin, her husband Tim, and big siblings Lucy and Simon welcomed their rainbow baby Violet into the world in September of 2014. Isaac lives on as a bright shining light in all of them.

This is Erin. She is Beauty Revived.

Thank you so much Erin, for sharing your story with us. Read more of their journey at Erin’s blog, Engineering the Pann’s. 

I’m excited for my next Beauty Revived Project: America’s 50 Most Beautiful High School Seniors. I can’t wait to introduce you to Unity and to share her story with you.

be joyful,

michaela

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